On being an ENFP
It was past half nine in the evening, I woke up terrified at a dream that I just had. I was in the middle of what seemed like a tourist spot where people were enjoying and having so much fun when suddenly Judgment Day came like a thief in the middle of the night. I managed to come inside the room and marked all sides of the wall with a cross as a means of protection. As I was spared, the great many people outside felt the wrath of destruction. I was too scared to even wonder what happened to them before I woke up in terror.
The dream that I just had was an illumination of my Christian upbringing for sure. That there is a point in time when the world has to face judgment by the Creator. Different religions and belief systems have varying interpretations of D-Day. But what is for certain is that a great of many of them believe that such time will come.
What the dream reminded me is how little material things matter in the end. Neither success, fame nor glory will spare us from Judgment Day. This is different from a pessimistic view of the world in a way because despite knowing a final end to all “matter”, there is no reason to stay still and not use human potentials to the fullest and fight off injustice. While we know the end is certain, we also understand that it is possible to make use of all our faculties and harness the great power of nature to make the “now” most just, most humane and most compassionate. As such, material things are the means and not the ends that we should aspire for in life.
As I am in my mid-twenties, this is a gentle reminder to myself on where to put my heart and where to channel my zest for life. To some extent to material things, but ultimately to that which will make the most impact in the lives of people around me and, hopefully, in some way to the world.
The dream couldn’t be anymore timely. Recently, I have been feeling some blues. Like an ENFP who suddenly lost steam after months of bubbliness. Crawling into the cave of solitude….like being possessed by an introverted spirit from I don’t know where.
This is not so me. ENFPs like myself are known for our vibrancy and playful mind. Too playful that we think of the next thing to do while not finishing what we have just started. Too vibrant that we think we can do everything but not care about finishing one task from beginning-to-end! We tend to see the big picture while having an almost existential loathing for details (Only when provoked, hurt or burnt out that ENFPs suddenly turn into a cold-fact driven maniacs recalling every small little details of the past and seeking for rational judgments of people and turn of events). Our flamboyant and happy-go lucky nature is often mistaken for being shallow. While the truth is that ENFPs usually prefer a lot of alone time for emotional processing, reflecting on things to move forward through the day.
So many times I have wished I was different. I sometimes feel sorry for myself for being an ENFP….because I can’t seem to focus and finish things as fast and good as others since I am just way too distracted with so many things I want to do all at the same time :D Not being able to accomplish things in my long to-do list made me overwhelmed with everything recently. I felt I was just hanging by the thread. These are times I wished I would have had a different personality. That I am more detail-oriented. More focused. A lot different from who I am. If the ultimate measure of my self worth is how many boxes I have ticked in my to-do list, then definitely I should have been born with a different personality.
Yet the dream reminded me of the perennial truth that the Day of Judgment will come. We will not be judged by who we are not but by who we are. So while it is important to tick all the boxes in our to-do list, we should not lose sight of the bigger picture — the fundamentals — the why-s in the things that we do. So many are the details but the fundamentals are few. While I feel sorry for being a messy ENFP, we play an important role in the world when people only focus on details and have forgotten what it means to do those details? Why do we need to them?
Of course, I try to get organized and follow through. Being an ENFP is not an excuse to not honor my commitments and not deal with the details that have to be done. I am trying my best :) In doing so, I cannot be the most organized person in the world even if I try the hardest but that is the reason we live in a society where we are meant to complement other people. We are called to be in communion with others as we perform our roles every day within our families and workplaces. I thank the more detailed people in my life who are helping me deal with things that my ENFP mind is not attuned to. That is the reason that I have learned early on, which I am reminded again. That there is great value in working with others who are different from us. It works for me time and time again.
And while ENFPs are a messy bunch, we also spend a great deal in processing ideas and emotions. Being an ENFP doesn’t mean that we do not finish tasks. We do. A lot actually. Some studies point to the fact that a significant amount of gifted students are ENFPs. But we can only be productive when our mind and, especially, our hearts are centered. That is why emotional processing and self-awareness are so important for us to center ourselves. What we lack in our eye for details, we make up in seeing not just the bigger picture but in connecting people together. ENFPs are observant of people’s emotions and great consensus builders. We are service oriented, giving and genuinely wanting to help others.
The dream couldn’t also be anymore timely as I was reminded that there is no point to feel sorry for what God has created me to be. We have different roles to play in the world. We perform different tasks in this process but all of us are called to do good and to stand for what is right. We are called to drown with compassion the evils of the world — even if they seem to be winning at different ends as of the moment. We are called to heal the brokenness in God’s creation. The best thing about it is that we are not measured by the size of our work but whether we have made our hearts available for grace to have its place in it. If we do, there is no reason to fear come Judgment Day.
